Life as I see it...in my own words!!!

How can my life be so crazy? When did it end up so out of control? But I can't do anything but keep moving. My life isn't the way that I want it to be. But then again how do I want my life to be? Life is difficult at times but it is livable. I gotta keep moving. Gotta keep doing what I know to do. This life gets difficult at times but I gotta do what needs to be done.

ALBe Back - The ALBum - listen now | Audiomack  Check out this album. It features a song w/Mack Wilds "Follow Me".

Am I supposed to feel the same way? *shrugs* You disappear for a few weeks. No calls, no texts, no nothing. This let's me know that we won't be the same as we used to be. Honestly, we we're not the same a few years ago. I tried to play it off as long as I could. I am genuinely happy for you. You got exactly what you wanted. And as much as we talked about it, it didn't include me. It is a sad, sad conclusion that I bring myself to all the time. How can we have a life together bit don't include each other. I always thought that we would but it was never what I dreamed of. I am not happy with how things turned out. We were supposed to include each other when we made plans. I apologize for all of my actions that changed your way of thinking. I can admit I made the first mistake. By choosing the wrong person. So I can't blame you all I can do is accept everything that you do. I feel that there is nowhere for is to go from here. We can start over but how? We are hones...

Stop feeling like you have to have every bodies approval for everything. All of my life I thought that I knew what I wanted,  then God gave me another way of thinking and another way to do things. Being able to stay at home and be a parent is another way of doing things. And I have bn lacking and lazy. I have to get up and stop looking for support and simply support myself. I am at home to figure out I am supposed to support myself. God has definitely given me really supportive people who has always had my back. But I lean entirely too much on people when I need to lean on myself. I have always had great ideas. Now I need to combine my great ideas with a great work effort. I am a great writer. I need to publish my book and finish the other book that I have. I am starting this new blog and I am super excited about it. Everything is going to be fine, I just have to have more confidence in myself and believe that I will do all that I need to do. I will be writing stories, my own stori...

Sitting here watching "A Bronx Tale"  and watching this movie a valid point is raised. The young guy wanted tips on how to get this young beautiful black girl. He was asking how would he know if the young black girl would be a great girl to like. His friend told him to know if the girl was a good girl, he should take her on the freeway,  ride next to a trucker and get his attention and get her to bow her head as if she was giving head, if she did that would mean couldn't be trusted. The older man told the young man not to listen to the young guy.  He opted not to listen to his young friend. After he picked up the young black girl he put her to the test. As she stepped in and sat down she reached over a lifted the lock on the driver side. The young guy was happy that the young girl passed the test.

I can't live in the past where I thought my family life was perfect. No longer do I see my family as the loving type. All I see is people who want to use and abuse you. Tonight June 7, 2015 my mother wanted to go  through a lot of bull crap. I was fed up with always playing nice. The way my mother is set up she will still use and abuse you. Fuck anybody up with no second thoughts about hurting anyone. I'm sick of fighting her; my whole point is why fight. Being a parent isn't a reason to fight kids when you disagree. It isn't ever necessary to go through any of the bull. I had to laugh her off when she said that I couldn't handle her. May or maybe not but is that really where she goes with that? No one is afraid of her any more, we aren't children anymore. We have our own children but we can't expect her to be the best role model for the kids. We had already discussed the fact that the kitchen was slightly messy and I would clean it up. My sister came out of...

I consider myself as being a very beautiful woman. It took me some time to come this conclusion. Growing up I always felt awkward and funny looking. Through the years I began to see myself as beautiful. I haven't had a relationship that I have gotten through me looking for someone. Some guy whether he was attractive to me or not have always pursued a relationship with me. Not that I don't ever find any guy attractive I just have never had a relationship like that. I want a relationship where I pursue a man but the picking a so slim. The only men either don't live any where near me or have celebrity status so dating them is out of the question. Not that I don't think that I deserve a celebrity but the pickings are slim with that as well however I have to have something going on with myself and the only time I have is simply for my children. That shld be for all men as well. Maybe I'm not in a place to meet a man right now. That may have been for sex as well. I don...