Life as I see it...in my own words!!!

I am writing, well I am really wanting to know. What is the color of your skin? Sitting here watching a television show and an interesting topic was brought up. The color of the young pregnant mothers skin and why she chose to have a child with someone outside of her race? Well she is an black woman and she felt the need for her to have a child with a young man who was outside of her race. He is a filipino guy I believe. She figured that if she was going to have a baby, she would make sure that her baby would have more opportunities than she had. She never felt pretty enough because of her dark skin. That really struck a cord with me as well. Being a darker skinned female, I can remember all to well all of the criticism that I faced growing up and always wishing to be a few shades lighter than I was born with. Being one of the darkest people that I knew and always hearing the dreaded "You're cute to be black or you're cute to be dark" crappy reassuring all of the dar...

I am not in the same space that I was in 15-20 years ago. I have grown up and need better. I am different now I have children and I do not want my kids growin up and doin the same things that I did or experiencing the things that I experienced. I wll not apologize for how how I feel either.

Just sitting here thinkng about my life and how my life has changed. I am learning how to not regret nothing that I do. I am learning how to just live. I was always a people pleaser, I always wanted to make sure that everybody was happy, at least with my decisions. I have had to learn that everybody isn't goin to always be happy with me. I have come to terms with that. I used to always wonder why some people didn't like me but why should I care? That is that their problem not mine. I am in a different space in my life now and I just really don't care how others feel now. Well not as much as I used to. I am me. Love it or hate it. However I am loving the space that I am in. I live for me and me only.

My life I have always had a certain likeness for very attractive men. I am a sucker for a beautiful smile and a great body. One of my very favorite crushes since I first laid eyes on him is Mr Tremaine Aldon Neverson aka Trey Songz. The very first time I saw him was in a video and I couldn't believe it when I saw him. I said to myself "Damn he is fine!!" He was a cutie but young looking to me, I knew he was younger than I was because he had a baby face and he had a slight build. He had an amazing voice and hook, line and sinker I was a fan. Of course was always other singers and groups but he always stood out to me. My life was always so busy and I always had so much going on in my life being a mother, raising a family and all. That keeping tabs on Trey totally slipped my mind. But then I was watching BET and a video came on. I believe it was "Wonder Woman". I said to myself I really gotta let myself get back familiar with this guy here.  I love me a brown or c...

Loved this!!

I write because I hurt. I write to get all of this hurt out my heart. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I can't. I just need to get to have a voice. Sometimes the sadness creeps in and I want to cry but I can't. I try my best to control my emotions and it is hard. Sometimes all I can do is cry. Is that wrong to lose all self control? Is it bad to not be able to hold the sadness inside? Is it bad to verbalize it? Maybe maybe, I don't know yet. I will have to get back to you on that after I 'm done with my tears and giving myself a hug.