Invisible thoughts

I consider myself as being a very beautiful woman. It took me some time to come this conclusion. Growing up I always felt awkward and funny looking. Through the years I began to see myself as beautiful. I haven't had a relationship that I have gotten through me looking for someone. Some guy whether he was attractive to me or not have always pursued a relationship with me. Not that I don't ever find any guy attractive I just have never had a relationship like that. I want a relationship where I pursue a man but the picking a so slim. The only men either don't live any where near me or have celebrity status so dating them is out of the question. Not that I don't think that I deserve a celebrity but the pickings are slim with that as well however I have to have something going on with myself and the only time I have is simply for my children. That shld be for all men as well. Maybe I'm not in a place to meet a man right now. That may have been for sex as well. I don't even get a thought of having intercourse, touching myself, masturbating or even looking. I am proud of myself for not even perishing the thought. Plus my body is clearly not ready for any close ups any time soon. Yes I need to work on me. I am thinking that when it is time for me to want and need the sexual feeling it will come naturally. But look at others and their relationships I know that I do have hope. Until I am 100% ready I will just sit and be thankful for life. And be patient.

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