Life as I see it...in my own words!!!

          For as long as I can remember I was under a certain impression that ppl wanted to be helpful to me because they were just really good ppl. That was so not the case, who wld've known that they were devils in disguise? The ppl that I thought were in my corner were actually ppl who had their own agendas. Initially it was all love until I guess they wanted to stop helping me. Oh well, I had to learn that everybody isn't really your friend. Not everybody means you any good.

     Recently, I had finally joined an MS support group on FB. I had never done anything like this right but I was looking for more support among my peers. And in an instant, I flourished. Once I had gotten here I felt as if I had truly belong. I begin to ask questions initially, just to see if any one else had bn going throu the same issues as I had. I loved the overwhelming responses that I had bn getting from everyone. For the longest time, I didn't feel that I belonged anywhere bc I cldntn't hear my own voices over the loud chatter from others. I had to stop walking quietly, plant my feel on the ground and take big steps.      Initially I was concerned as I was unsure of my steps and what my thoughts wld produce but; as I continue to move, I began to be more assured of what I was doin. Life began to look more positive.    Sure the situation looked bleak at times however; you can't stop and allow other situations to clutter your min...

      So I turned 40 this yr right? My children are getting older and I Lstarting thinking more freely. Growing up and getting older I felt my body would always be in great shape right? Without working out everyday, doing what it would take to make sure that I stayed in tip top shape.     With my body and this mess that they call #MS, I always thought thought that everything would be how it was supposed to be. Or at least what I was raised to believe it should have been. Back in the days, I didn't believe in having any kid of work on your body only because I never thought that any procedures were ever possible.       And since I looked it up, only because I wanted to know to see what was possible for me, just in case I felt the need to appease my curiosity, how much a procedure like that would cost and also how long the down time for it it would be.       I was able to see something because there were more options to ...

Sitting here tryna figure out where I go from here. I am register for my spring classes for this next semester. I am starting classes to become a jounalist. I love to write. I like finding out new information. I have been doing this for a while, may as well make my money doing it.

All I know, is that people continue to railroad me. I don't trust majority of the people that I deal with. At this point in my life, I never ever would have expected to be dealing with the type of shenanigans that I deal with. The hurt that it caused was far more worse than I would have ever imagined. But then I had to realize that it wasn't ever me, it was them. The issues never belonged me. It was always them. It took me a min but I had to let go of toxic relationships. Whoever is causing strife in my life had to be let go of. Family, friends or not.These are issues that have nothing to do with me but people will always try to throw their own thinking on to you despite what ever the situation is. And once you see things clearly, they'll still try to throw you into the mix that has nothing to do with you. It is simply their perception of you. Only what they think of you. 

          Here we go. Life always has a way of throwing me curve balls damn near every day. Right now, my life is so weird. I always kept to myself, I never allow no one in to my inner circle, however, now for the first time in years I have let my guard down. Sometimes I feel that I am making a good decision, making adult decisions and being the best me that I can be. My life is always so complicated. I deserve to be happy, I feel that I am making a good decision. I felt good about meeting him.