Unsure

Recently, the father of one of my kids passed away. He left this earth a few days ago. I am beyond . Not only for her; for myself as well. I'm hurt for myself. This is the 2nd man that fathered a child of mine that has left this earth. Not as a fault of mine but he has left this earth unexpectly just as the other one has. There is a sickening spot at the pit of my stomach that hurts. It is hard to be able function properly and throughly. We were not the best of friends however we were not mortal enemies. I just feel empty and incomplete. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to feel? All I know is that I am mourning the loss of a guy who wasn't perfect. I was so angry with him about our daughter who is 14 yrs old and who is growing up quickly. In being angry  with him about being a better parent to our daughter; something caught my attention. It said "Be kind, everybody is fighting a battle that others have no idea about" And with that being said, that made me change my way of thinking. All I knew is that I had to be a nicer kinder me. The last time we spoke we argued about my daughter well being. I simply wanted him to be a better father to our daughter, who has a few issues. I simply wanted better for her. I want all of the things that I never had from my parents. I know better now so I want to give my kids better than I had. I try to give them that by any means necessary. I'm not spiraling but I am sliding. People aren't regular people and really don't care about people the way they used to. We buried her dad today and I have a throbbing pain in my brain. Honestly the fact that he was gone really hurted. I was hurting for my daughter terribly.  It hurt for him to not be there for her to watch her grow up. To help me police everything that she did. She is still growing and learning how to become a young lady with no help from her dad.